Ah, November. The promise of a new school year and the tumult of election season. Today I donned my fine hat and took a turn about town in the crisp autumn air and was delighted by what I saw. Youngsters gallivanting about in their motorcars. Children eating iced cream from cones. The scene filled my heart with youthful optimism.
But to listen to the complaints of citizens, you might think the day of reckoning was nigh. “The economy is a shambles!” “Big business is running amok!” “If the cost of petroleum distillate increases a ha'penny more, my coffers shall be bereft!”
Save the drama for your mama. You call this an economic downturn? From 1930 to 1932, I ate nothing but turnips and lived in an old oil drum! The United States has seen far worse times than this. Trust me, I'm 118 years old.
But if your brows are still furrowed with concern over the state of the world, I suggest that you exercise your right to vote. This is your chance to participate in democracy. Seize it by the short hairs! Now, The AS Review tells me I cannot endorse presidential candidates. To that I say, “balderdash!” Cast your ballot for the Bull Moose Party!
Correction: I have just been informed that the Bull Moose Party has gone the way of the Dodo. Ah well, they had a good run. In that case, cast your ballot for the candidate you think most qualified. Pick up the latest edition of your local rag or take a brief respite from changing your Facebook status to peruse the Internet for information about candidates. After all, an informed populace is the proverbial “meat and taters” of democracy.
And while I'm on the subject of the fourth estate, might I add that political journalism has seen better days. I was a writer for The AS Review in 1910 (back when it was called “The Collegiate Young Person's Picayune”) when we exposed the corrupt dealings of the powerful moustache wax lobby in Washington. Do you see pro-moustache legislation being pushed through Congress today? I didn't think so! Now that's muckraking!
Well, I daresay all this frantic typing is causing my heart to palpitate. I think I'll go lie down. I leave you with these wise words from 19th century political philosopher Alexis de Tocqueville: “Democracy is only cool when people vote. Otherwise it's lame-ocracy.”