Ninjas, the assassins of ancient Japan and the dream of nine-year-olds everywhere, have come to Western. But when most ninjas take lives with katana or shuriken, these ninjas brighten the lives of people they meet with flowers and surprise entertainment. Who they are is yet to be known and why they do it is the least of our questions. But if you see three ninja-like figures moving through a dark campus, there’s no need to fear for your life. You might just encounter… the flower ninjas.
On a cold wispy night I personally experienced attempted assassination by the flora wielding fiends. My childhood sense of wonder returned in an instant alongside the imposing feeling of shock that follows what most would initially perceive to be an attempted murder. Alongside me was my friend, Owen Kentop, who recounted the story in his testimony alongside Ruta Nanivadekar, who also experienced the shenanigans carried out by the flower ninjas.
Owen Kentop, Freshman
“I was hanging out with my buddies out on the stairs sculpture [“Stadium Piece” by Bruce Nauman”] outside of Academic West smoking some cigars, just having a good time. My friend Brian was telling a story about his weekend and was acting out what he called ‘hardcore dancing,’ attempting to show us what that really meant. So he went down to the middle part between the stairs, and just as he is about to begin to dance we look over towards Academic West, and there are these two guys that are standing opposite of us on the stairs dressed in full ninja garb. You know, black hoods, black everything, and the only thing you could see was their eyes. They start to make these martial arts noises like, ‘Shwaaa! And Hwaa!’ and we notice that they’re carrying flowers. And we’re like, ‘Oh snaps, we are about to die, this is how we die.’ We look back towards Arntzen [Hall] and there are two more ninjas, a black one and a white one and… both [groups] charge at our group. But instead of attacking us like normal ninjas would do, they put flowers in our clothes and hand us flowers, all the while still making ninjas noises. As soon as they came, they ran away. It changed my life forever.”
Ruta Nanivadekar, Senior
“I was walking home from downtown around midnight on a Friday night. I was with a couple friends so we were talking a lot because we had been walking for a while. When we got to the steps that connect Bond Hall and Haggard [Hall] we noticed a few people that were already there that were making some commotion. Then all of a sudden I could see some figures in black swarming us, and they were in front of me. I was just sitting there freaking out though, thinking, ‘What is going on? There is an actual ninja in front of me.’ But they were just holding beautiful little flowers and they crouched in front of each of my friends. They were all dressed in black. You couldn’t see anything but their eyes. They just hold out the flowers, which we took saying like, ‘Ooh? What?’ because we were kind of freaked out about it. After that they just disappeared. I was looking at the flower in my hand and [then]they were gone. I still have the flower in a vase at home.”
The AS Review would like to know more about the ninjas in this story, so if you are or know one of the flower ninjas, or have experienced their antics, please contact us at firstname.lastname@example.org.