Victor Cuellar/ Guest Writer

Throwing up cheesy fries from the Ranch Room is a heck of a thing. This globular orange fleet of fries starts ascending your esophagus, and you wonder why they haven’t been digested at all. Sadly, the only thing on my mind, and the reason I’m puking in a Fred Meyer parking lot at 5:34 a.m., is getting my hands on a Nintendo Wii.

My “in” at Freddie’s gave me a ring the night before and let me know that they would be receiving a shipment the following morning. Even with only an hour and a half to go to opening, there’s no line in site, and only a couple of cars frosted over, meaning they belong to the night crew. I haven’t reached that point in geekdom that allows me to start a line for a video game system, so I catch a couple of Zs in my car. Seven o’clock comes along, and I dash inside, there are still no other nerds in sight.

“Hey, did you get any Wiis this morning?”

“No.”

Turns out the concept of bedside manner has been lost on the sales associates in Home Electronics. The drive home is pretty depressing, mostly because I’m crashing after having my adrenaline rush be for naught. Still, I have sense enough to call the Fred Meyer in north Bellingham, only to get the same crushing news. The salt in the wound is the 27” television in my living room waiting for me as I stumble up the stairs to my apartment. It’s about a week old, and has yet to see any use, seeing as I don’t have cable, or even a DVD player. Thing is, I haven’t owned a video game console since I was in sixth grade and got a Sega Saturn for Christmas. The Wii has dragged me back in to gaming, and I’m reminded of the love/hate relationship I had with Nintendo back when I couldn’t stand up to Mike Tyson’s uppercuts in Punch Out.

After getting some much needed sleep, I call almost every store in Bellingham. Five stores in town are getting Wiis in the next morning, so I’m pretty damn close to victory. Stupidly, I stay out until 3 a.m., and set my cell phone alarm for 5 a.m. to get in line at Target. My body wakes me up at 6:47 a.m., and I say many words my mother would be ashamed of while throwing on clothes that may or may not keep me warm. The drive to Target goes by surprisingly quickly while simultaneously planning where to go to next, and deciding whether or not to destroy my cell phone. The line seems to be about 25 people long, which isn’t enough to deter me from waiting with them. It’s 7:05 a.m., so I’ve only got 55 minutes to wait.

The guy in line behind me is sketchy. I decide that anybody wearing a t-shirt with an HTML joke that not even a guy waiting in line for a Wii gets, is probably not my type of bro. After a few more minutes of awkward silence, and wondering why a couple would be playing tonsil hockey in this situation, another guy gets behind my already ignored peer. With no hesitation, he looks past creepy, pony-tailed-but-still-balding, guy, and asks me the time. We strike up a conversation, all the while ignoring the dude in between us. Yes, there is a social hierarchy even here.

Ten minutes before the doors open, we are told that Target has 21 units. Fantastic, especially when you’re something like 26th in line. Seeing the Target employee walk towards me handing out little slips of paper, is like watching the cute girls pass notes the week before Winter Tolo. However, many of the people up front were just there to support friends, so I end up being number 14. For once, being 14th is just as good as coming in 1st.

As soon as the Wii menu appears on my TV, I realize it’s all over. The only thing left now, is putting off homework for hours, and probably having a terrible scholastic Winter quarter in general.